


Love, Beca.

by Lgbtimelord



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Based on Love Simon, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:59:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lgbtimelord/pseuds/Lgbtimelord
Summary: Love, Simon Bechloe AU





	1. Rollercoaster

My name’s Beca, I’m just like you. For the most part my life is totally normal. My dad is the annoyingly handsome literature professor everyone has a crush on who married the hot and still not famous profesional pianist. I have a sister I actually like, not that I’d ever tell her that, and last year after a 20 hours binge watch of the voice she decided she wanted to be a singer. And then there’s my friends. Two of them I’ve known since pretty much the beginning of time, or at least kindergarten. There's Jesse, the guy with the kind heart and a definitly unhealthy obsessing with popcorn and movies. And then there's Stacie, probably the most popular and inteligent person in the year, not that everyone knows that. She loves to say that the day everyone sees through the party and easy hook up girl facade is gonna be in graduating day when she's called to give her speech. And one them I just met a few months ago, but it feels like I’ve known her forever, you'd probably be scared of Aubrey if you didn't know how to cope with a big attitude and a lot of witty responses but I swear her chocolate cakes are to die for. We do everything friends do, we drink way too much iced coffee, we watch bad ‘90s movies that I completely hate and hangout at Waffle House dreaming of college and gorging on carbs. So, like I said, I’m just like you. I have a totally perfectly normal life. Except I have one huge-ass secret. Nobody knows I’m gay.

Mornings are simple. There's dad in the table either reading a book or the newspaper, you can always hear Emily singing in the bathroom while she brushes her hair or teeth. Her voice is not that good in the last option. And there's always mom.  
-Morning, beca. You gotta eat your breakfast.  
-Please don't tell me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day because that is just so cliché. You're better than that.  
-I was gonna say breakfast lowers LDL colesterol and prevents fluctuating glucose levels that lead to type two diabetes.  
-Touché.  
She's a great mom. Dad says I get my sarcasm from her and I agree. I get a lot of things from my mom, from the brown hair to bad actitudes and my love for music, thought I get my blue eyes from my dad. At least there's that.  
So, back to mornings. They're simple. I go get Stacie from her house and then we get Jesse. Then iced coffee and Aubrey and then school. Simple.  
-Why does jesse get the front seat?  
-Well, since im the only guy in this group, it should be my only privilege.  
-You're a white dude jess, you're privileged enough.  
-Ok but..  
-No discussing society or sexism before coffee please! Besides, Jesse gets the front seat because you have terrible taste in music.  
\- Oy! that's not true.  
-Hi, could we get four iced coffees, please?  
-Oh, could you get Aubrey's with milk? She likes milk.  
\- One with milk.  
\- What are you, her barista now Stacie?  
-It's not hard to remember "with milk" Jess.  
And then there's school. We're not exactly the "normal guys". We would definitely get made fun of if it wasn't because we are childhood best friends with Stacie Conrad but we don't care anyways.  
So, we're all happy with the simple and normal routine of not actually doing anything to get much attention to ourselves and gossiping, like everyone else, about whatever was posted on Creek Secrets that day or the night before.  
My family and I have the tradition of watching something together every Friday, I don't complain but they know they're making me suffer for at least an hour and a half when we watch a movie. And not only that but my parents thought that getting some homemade or special gift for their 20 years anniversary was an amazing idea, I mean, it is cute but it just made my ear bleed and my eyes hurt having to watch my dad's homemade video. It wasn't terrible but I looked like a first grader had made it. I was saved by the bell. Or in this case by my phone's ringtone because Jesse was calling me. Getting calls from Jesse randomly at night wasn't so usual but when it happened it was about a new movie and I always end up hanging up on him.  
-Hey.  
-Have you seen the new post?  
-No. What?  
-About the closeted gay kid at school.  
-What?  
-Yeah, it's on Creek Secrets. Who do you think it is? I bet it's that sophomore with the rimless glasses. I get a vive Maybe it's Kommissar I've heard she's, like, obsessed with Ellen deGeneres.  
-Oh, gosh. Jeez. I gotta go. Urie just took a dump on the floor. Can I call you back?  
-Ugh gross, Okay. See ya tomorrow.

 _Sometimes_ , _I feel like I'm stuck on a Ferris Wheel. One minute I'm on top of the world, and the next, I'm at rock bottom.Over and over, all day long. Because a lot of my life is great, but nobody knows I'm gay._

Okay. Ufff. Okay, no biggie. Just write them back and say hi come on Beca. Simple. You've talked to girls before. You can do this. Right?

_Dear Blue, I’m just like you. For the most part my life is totally normal. My dad is the annoyingly handsome literature professor everyone has a crush on who married the hot and still not famous profesional pianist. I have a sister I actually like, not that I’d ever tell her that, and last year after a 20 hours binge watch of the voice she decided she wanted to be a singer. And then there’s my friends. Two of them I’ve known since pretty much the beginning of time, or at least kindergarten. And one them I just met a few months ago, but it feels like I’ve known her forever. We do everything friends do, we drink way too much iced coffee, we watch bad ‘90s movies that I completely hate and hangout at Waffle House dreaming of college and gorging on carbs. So, like I said, I’m just like you. I have a totally perfectly normal life. Except I have one huge-ass secret._

_Beats._

Saying I wanted a quick response was an understatement. Checking after every five minutes. No response. After dinner. No response. Wednesday morning. No response. First period.  
-Can anyone answer for me how we find the value of "d-y by d-x" that I have written up on the board? Does anyone want to... Yes! Beca.  
-Can I go to the bathroom?  
-Sure, it's fine.  
I get to the bathroom to check and... No response.  
Lunch time comes and just what I needed was that there was no signal in the cafeteria. I look up just to see Chloe Beale stealing one of my fries.  
-Hey!  
-Sorry Becs I just love fries.  
There's nothing I hate more than people stealing my food but it doesn't bother me so much from Chloe, she's been doing it for the two years I've known her and not even my worst death glares seem to make her stop. I guess that's just Chloe.  
Chloe Beale. Definitly popular in school. She's basically Barden High School's sunshine. Always a smile on her face and people laughing around her. I should be annoyed by people like her but with Chloe I do get the appeal. She's always willing to help and always knows what to say. And she's really pretty. Okay. Not _just_  pretty. She's smoking hot. Not that I'll ever say that if someone asked.  
I look at my phone and no response. Blue is probably just hanging out with her friends, definitly not thinking about the mail or the answer I'm basically obsessing about.  
-Why is there no cell reception  
at this school? I swear to God.  
I was definitely not looking when I bumped into principal Worth in the halls but if my mom asks I was totally not texting and walking.  
\- Hey. Beca! BECA! What are you doing? You can't text in the halls. How many times have I told you that?  
\- Sorry... uh won't happen again sir. Could I just get my phone though?  
-No. Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to keep it until after play practice. But you will get your precios after play practice, okay? I promise.  
Practice. Ugh. Just what I needed. The place full of stupid teenagers who think that because they say two damn lines in a show they'll suddenly get laid and theater kids who basically started in kindergarten because that was their parents failed dream. So, why am I going? A couple of things actually. The main reason? Audio-Technica ATH-W5000 headphones. In a few words, they're one of the best headphones right now. And my dad promised me he'll get them for me if I joined a club or team on school.  
So once Jesse found out, he started begging that I joined theater club because "you have an amazing voice Becs _and_ there'll be music because, let's be real it's not like you're signing up on math club". So here I am. On practice. With a bunch of losers who can't coordinate two simple steps and voices only belong in karaoke. On a kick recap, on the theater club there's around 15 people. Benji on the piano, a girl named Lily on the trumpet, a boy with spunky hair on the guitar and a blonde girl on the drums. Jesse, Aubrey, Fat Amy and I as singers. And, for some crazy reason in this world, Bumper Allen too. How did that asshole ended up as the lead is still a big question. And five more people that take care of the illumination, backgrounds and all that. Plus professor Evans, who right now looks like she wants to strangle someone.  
-Okay! My hands are tired! So much clapping! Okay! All right. That was... Benji, help me. That was...  
-That was a start?  
-That was a start! Is what it was. That was a start. You know, when Mr. Worth told me that no student, regardless of talent...was to be left out of my production, I had my doubts. Yes, I did. That's it. That's my whole speech. That's all for today, you can go now!.  
I should definitely not have run because Mr. Worth would have taken my phone away until tomorrow if he saw me but I needed to know if Blue had answered back and after a completely awkward conversation about trust and ears and I don't know what else. I unblocked my phone to see a simple answer from Blue.

_A secret, huh? Is it the same as my secret? If it is, when did you know? Have you told anyone?_  
_Blue._

_No, Blue. I haven't told anyone. And, honestly, I can't even really explain why. Deep down, I know my family would be fine with it. My mom's about as liberal as they come. Always taking me and my sister to protests and conventions about any kind of movements, which don't get me wrong, it's great. And my dad isn't exactly the macho type. He cries every time my mom plays one of her sad song in the piano or suddenly remembers I'm going to college soon._  
_I mean, Barden's resident out-gay kid seems to be doing just fine. When Cynthia Rose came out, no one even cared. Or when Staice Conrad said she had sex with a girl from college no one batted an eye._  
_As for how I knew I was gay, it was a bunch of little things. Like this one recurring dream I kept having about Emma Watson when Harry Potter came out. And then proceeded to have every night for a month. I was obsessed with Hayley from Paramore. Then I realized it really wasn't about the music. And then there was my first boyfriend. I basically told him thanks when he said he was falling for me. Wasn't my proudest momento. How 'bout you? How did you know?_  
Warmly, Beats.  
Warmly, Bea-  
Fondly, Beats.  
Fondl-  
_Beats_.

_Beats, don't worry. If your proudest momento happened in middle school, that would be pretty sad. For me, I realized I liked girls watching Game of Thrones. While my friends were all holding their breath waiting to see Jon Snow take off his shirt. I was crushing hard on Daenerys._

_Well, I've never told anyone about my Emma Watson phase so now we're even. And for the record I think Daenerys Targaryen is an excellent choice for your sexual awakening. I guess, if I want to find you at school. I just have to look for the Game of Thrones fanatic._

Side note: That school search? Didn't go very well.

_I was just listening to that song "Reunion” and it made me think of you. You'll probably think my music taste is lame. Kind of have the same taste as my Aunt Sally who loves show tunes. Obviously, some of the things I've told you about myself are things I've never talked about with anyone. There's something about you that makes me want to open up. And that's slightly terrifying for me. So I've been thinking, maybe I should be Daenerys for Halloween. What about you? Who are you gonna be?  Beats_ _._

_I'm not dressing up. For me, Halloween's all about the Oreos with the orange frosting in the middle.  Blue_ _._

Conversation with Blue came so naturally it was actually kind of scary. I'm not the opening up type but knowing there's someone right in your pocket that won't judge you for whatever you say or feel does make it a lot easier. But reality is still here and I can't stay talking to Blue as much as I'd like. So. Waking up. Picking up Stacie. Picking up Jesse. Picking up iced coffee. Picking up Aubrey. And to school. First period until lunch.  
-Let's see what you got, Becaw. Here are your burnt tots, because you have horrible taste.  
-Here's your green banana, because you like disgusting things.  
-Wow, you guys are weird.  
-Yup. They're practically Cantonese twins.  
\- Siamese.  
\- Yeah. Siamese.  
-Yeah, agree to disagree.  
-I don't think that's one of those things where you can agree to disagree, Stacie.  
\- ...disagree.  
-Oreos! I love those. Halloween ones are the best, right? Whose Oreos are these? Aww Becs! Can I get one? Pretty please?.  
-Yeah. Fine. But only because you said please, Beale.  
-Yay, admit it my puppy eyes totally were the reason. Oh come on! Don't roll your eyes Mitchell, you know it's true. So, guys! I have great news! My aunt's boyfriend just took off with her car and all her jewelry.  
-Chloe, that's terrible news!  
-I know, but it's like, the third time it's happened to her. She has really bad taste in men. Anyways, my mom is going down to Orlando to deal with it which means I get to throw a Halloween party.  
\- Awesome!  
\- Yay!  
-Thank you, Chloe's dumb-ass aunt!  
-All right, this is gonna be epic, guys!  
\- I can bring my karaoke machine.

 _Very relieved that we're in agreement on Oreos. That would have been a deal-breaker for me. On a totally different, non-cookie related note... is it weird that I have no idea what you look like, but I can't stop thinking about kissing you. Beats_.

Whatever I made in my past life must have been awful. Because Bumper Allen had the lovely idea of talking to me after practice and it just made my life hell.  
-Hey, um, I used the computer in the library right after you.  
\- Okay.  
\- Mm-hmm.  
-Well, I went to Gmail, and it pulled up your account. And I, uh, read some of your emails. I know I probably shouldn't have, but they were, like, right there. So you'll be interested to know my sister's gay.  
-No. Bumper, that wouldn't interest me to know.  
-Okay. Don't worry. I won't show anyone.  
-Show anyone what? Did you print my emails or something?  
-Oh, no, no. I screenshot them.  
\- You screenshotted my emails?  
\- Mm-hmm. Yeah.  
-Why the hell did you screenshot my emails?  
-Ah, well, you and Aubrey Posen are good friends. Right?  
-Yeah. We know each other.What does that have to do with anything?  
-Well, I need you to help me talk with her... and hang out with her and stuff, you know?  
\- Why would I help you do that? Are you blackmailing me?  
-Oh, shh! Okay. Don't be so dramatic here, I just like her. And I think that you could help me.  
-Yeah, what if I say no, Martin? I mean, what are you gonna do? You gonna tell the whole school that I'm...You're gonna leak my emails? You're gonna post them on CreekSecrets?  
-I just think that we're in a position here, where we could help each other out is all. So think about it. Good talk.

So yeah. That really happened. And I don't know what's worse. The fact that everyone could find out about me or the fact that if he leaks those emails, I'll lose Blue. And I think the second must be worse. Blue had become a daily on my life. Just waking up to even a short answer every morning makes it better. She's already part of my routine and my life without knowing her real name or what she looks like. My thoughts get interrupted by Blue again.

 _Beats, I have to get something off my chest. The other day, you asked me what I was wearing for Halloween and I said I wasn't dressing up. I lied. Truth is, I didn't want you to know what I was wearing because I don't want you to know who I am. Right now, these emails, they feel like this totally safe place. I'm just not ready for my whole world to change. I hope you understand_.

I did get it. I don't want things to change. I want my mom to keep telling me about her last concert and hear her complain about the white dudes that go to the theatre. I want my dad to keep bringing me books about things he thinks I might found interesting and keep making jokes about my height or how I'm becoming an "emo version of my mom". I want Emily to come to me when she gets bored of her music and needs a new artist or wants me to make her a new mashup or set. I want to keep picking my friends up to go to school and getting iced coffee and talk about whatever new stupid movie Jesse watched the night before or about Stacie's last hook up or science project or about Aubrey's new hairstyle and listening to her complain about my "ear monstrosities". And I don't want things to change even though that racional part of me says things will be the same. I'm still scared. So...

_Yes, Blue. I understand._

Knowing that these emails, these conversations mean as much to Blue as they mean to me, took me here. To a empty hallway after practice with Bumper and listening to him about talking how he wanted Aubrey to like her for him and not for a lie made by me. He clearly can't see he's definitely not Aubrey's type but I guess he deserves some kudos for trying. So I invited him to Chloe's party.  
Our usual before parties is like this. We get together in my house. We check each other out. We gossip about what we think will happen in the party. And leave to get at a reasonable late time. Since this was a Halloween party that meant costumes and costumes meant that Jesse and I would dress up together like we've done since both of us have memory. And as usual, Stacie doesn't guess who we are.  
-Who are you guys supposed to be?  
-John Lennon and Yoko Ono.  
-Oh! I thought she was the girl from The Ring, and you were Jesus.  
-Jesus? No. Why would Jesus be wearing a white suit Stacie?  
-I don't know. You tell me. You're the one who decided to dress up like fancy Jesus.  
-Wonder Woman in the hizzy!I made up a catchphrase, 'cause Wonder Woman  
doesn't have one. "Hizzy" means house.  
-Oh, Aubrey, you look amazing.  
-Thank you!  
-Yeah. You look awesome.  
Yeah she did. But remember I invited Bumper right? So yeah, I don't know what my past self made to make me deserve this. A completely awkward car ride with Stacie and Aubrey flirting in the front seats, me and Jesse on each side of Bumper, who was trying *and* failing to get Aubrey's attention.  
Once on Chloe's house everyone went their way, Jesse and I were together when Chloe approached us.  
-Hey! Hey! Hey! Yoko Ono and John Lennon?  
\- Yeah. You got it. Chlo.  
\- Yay.  
-Who are you supposed to be?  
-Oh. Uh... I am Ginny Weasley, just chilling and trying not to kill my annoying brothers, which in this case are all the fuck boys in this house.  
-That's awesome.  
-Thanks. Now let's go to the bar. Come on.  
-All right, we should have a little toast.  
-No, thanks. Beca and I don't really drink.  
-No, I drink. It's cool. I drink. Don't worry Jess.  
\- All right, that's my girl.  
\- Really Becs?  
-It's Halloween, man. It's a special occasion.  
Everyone knows I'm not a fan of parties. But this one wasn't as bad. Maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that I kept looking at Chloe Beale from across the room and some hopeful part me think that maybe she is Blue. With her blue eyes and shiny smile that lights up the room. I mean, I don't have much to go on than that they both like Oreos and she could have used the name Blue because of her eyes. But I just feel it. Like a tiny past of me it's telling me to go for it. But yeah, I'm sure that at this point, this is the alcohol talking.  
And I don't know if you know this but, moving between people in parties is disgusting but doing it drunk? It's just worse. You'd think that drunk you wouldn't notice the clear smell of vomit in the bushes or you wouldn't see the couples making out against the wall. But you do. And it takes me more than I'd have like to find Stacie in the balcony looking at Aubrey dance with Chloe and Fat Amy.  
-Aubrey is the hottest Wonder Woman I have ever seen. The shit that I would let her do to me with that lasso. I'm definitely gonna go ask her out.  
\- What? No.  
\- No? No?  
\- No.  
\- You can't ask Aubrey out.  
\- Why not?  
-Because. She didn't tell you about Jonathan? She didn't tell you about that? He's older, in college.  
-Oh. All right, I'm gonna go eat my feelings away.  
She left right after she said that and it was sad to know that because of that lie she'd end up hooking up with some frat boy instead of with the girl she actually likes. Truth is, Staice is the type of person to stay with the same person and she falls in love as much as everyone else. Maybe more. She's just so much better at not showing it. My thoughts get interrupted by Chloe again. What if she is Blue? She's not the kind of person I'd imagine myself with. But just thinking about Blue makes my heart beat faster than it should. So why would I care who she is. And, thinking about her makes me forget about the world besides me. At least this time I can blame it on the alcohol.  
\- Hey, Beca! you wanna play Beirut?  
-Oh eh. Yeah. Chloe. Sure.  
-We just need two more people.  
-How about you and me, and then, um... Aubrey and Bumper?  
\- Okay, cool.  
-Hey! Let's play Beirut.  
-What? No, Beca.  
-Come on, let's go. It'll be fun. It'll be fun.  
-All right, so, two reracks, no blowing and two balls in the cup means that you have to take three, okay?  
-Okay, Aubrey. Always the rule follower. Cool.  
Okay. That. Wasn't as terrible as I thought it would go. Chloe and I had fun together and totally killed Aubrey and Bumper in Beirut. And they had fun together. I think. It was mostly Aubrey giving Bumper all the drinks so she wouldn't get drunk. But he thinks I'm helping him get with her so that's fine by me. And back to Chloe. Do you know she has the most contagious laugh ever? And that when she laughs too much she has this little wrinkle in the corner of her eyes, which is really cute. All that thinking made me be here right now, in front of her bathroom mirror, trying to get the courage of telling her I'm Beats.  
-Hey, Chloe. It's me, Beats.  
-Hey, Chloe. I'm Beats.  
-Hey, Ginny. It's me, Beats.  
-Why did I pick Beats? That's the most stupid name ever. Oh my God, okay, just go to her room and tell her, no biggie.  
Chloe is definitely not Blue I learned tonight. I'm glad I didn't get to tell her. Because the moment I went to her room she was hooking up with that douchebag Tom. The soccer team captain. It's annoying really. How someone so kind as Chloe would be with just a dude like _that_. At least, every question of Chloe being Blue was gone now. I left with an awkward excuse of thinking it was the bathroom. Even though Chloe had showed me to it when I asked her before. And what I needed to end this crazy night was stupid Bumper throwing up on me. I wanted to kill someone. And was glad Jesse realized that. I could have punched Bumper and he would have tell the whole school about me and Blue. So we left. Back to an ordinary night where him and I stay at my house and talk about everything and nothing at all. This time with the little problem of both of us being a bit drunk. Okay, really drunk. Luckily my parents are obvious or they were nice enough to ignore it.  
Jesse has always been a thinker. Always imagining the future or what ifs. So it wasn't weird when he asked  
\- Do you ever feel weird?  
\- Weird?  
\- Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I'm always on the outside.  
-What do you mean?  
-Like tonight, you know... I was at that party, and it was fun, but... it kinda felt like I was watching it from across the room. I don't know, there's this invisible line that I have to cross to really be a part of everything and I just, I can't ever cross it.  
-I feel that way sometimes, too.  
-Not tonight, you didn't.  
-Yeah, I was trying something. And Chloe was really nice, so...  
-Yeah, well, sometimes I think it'd be so much easier to be one of these people who can just take a few shots and then hook up with whoever's closest. I guess I'm just unlucky.  
-Unlucky? Why?  
-Because I'm not a casual person.  
-What kind of person are you?  
-I think I'm the kind of person who is destined to care so much about one person, it nearly kills me.  
-Me too. It's getting late. Night Jess.

_Dear Blue so one of my friends likes the other, and she has no idea. I guess we all have secrets. Anyway, I've been thinking about why I haven't come out yet. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem fair that only gay people have to come out. Why is straight the default? Or maybe it's because I can't be sure this whole "being gay" thing is forever. Or maybe it's that there's not that much of high school left and part of me wants to hold on to who I've always been just a little longer. And then, when I go to Los Angeles, I'll be gay and proud, I promise._  
_Love, Beats._

_Beats, if I were a betting woman, I'd say you were drunk emailing me during that last letter. Don't worry. I liked it. As for coming out, I know what you mean about wanting to wait till college. But our emails have inspired me. I'm going to tell my family. So thanks, Beats._  
_Love, Blue._

That. That simple line at the end of the mail made my whole weekend. I couldn't stop smiling. And mixing came naturally. If I ever show that mix to my mom, she would definitely know something's up. Because, Beca Mitchell, doing a perfectly synchronized full of love songs mix didn't happen everyday. The streak ended when I got a text from Bumper saying I still had to help him get with Aubrey. So, after a lot of convincing, I got Aubrey to go with me and Bumper to go over some lines at the Waffle House on Monday afternoon. Which. To be completely honest. Didn't go as bad as I thought. Bumper overstepped a lot to know about Aubrey's life but once he got up on the table and got Aubrey to scream "I am Aubrey Posen. I am wonderful young woman and I deserve a god damn superhero" I knew somehow he'll live another day. So I quietly left to read Blue's message.

_Hi. So my dad's flying in tonight for Hanukkah. If you are thinking, But Hanukkah isn't for another month! Well, you are correct. Welcome to navigating divorced parents. Take holidays where you can get them. And my dad's staying at the same crappy motel as always. We'll do all our horribly awkward traditions. We'll light the menorah and I'll silently pray that the sprinklers don't go off. That's happened twice before. Would you believe I'm considering doubling down and turning this whole awkward mess into a coming out thing? Do you think I'm crazy?_

_No, Blue, I don't think you're crazy. I think you're crazy brave._

Honestly, Blue gives me as much courage as I give her. Maybe even more. And that's why I told Aubrey in my car once we left Waffle House.

-Honestly, Martin used to annoy the crap out of me. But he's actually kind of a cool person.  
-I've been meaning to ask you about your parents. I just didn't wanna say anything when we were actually in the restaurant. I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk about it.  
-Yeah. No, I don't mention it a lot because it kind of meses with my image.  
-What kind of image?  
-The girl who is excited to start a new school senior year. Girl whose life didn't just end, like, three months ago, who's angry and sad all the time. Girl who still believes in love.  
-Come on. You still believe in love.  
-Maybe. Have you ever been in love?  
-I think so. Aubrey.  
-Yeah?  
-I'm gay.  
-Oh.  
-You can't tell anyone though. Nobody really knows, and I don't really want people to find out.  
-I won't. I promise.  
-Okay. You surprised?  
-No.  
\- So you knew?  
\- No.  
-But you're not surprised?  
-Do you want me to be surprised?  
-I don't know.  
-Okay.  
-Well, I love you. And, for what it's worth im bisexual.  
-Oh. So... Love you, too.

_Dear Blue, I hope it goes okay with your dad. Whatever happens, you inspired me. I came out to my friend tonight. And I never would have done that without you. Maybe we should ride this bravery train and reveal our identities. I'm dying to know who you are._  
_Love, Beats._


	2. Love Lies

_Dear Beats._   
_I told my dad. It was insanely awkward. But also, kind of fine. And you got it backwards. It's you who inspires me. But I'm sorry, I'm just not ready for us to know each other's identities._   
_Love, Blue._

I guess I should have been more disappointed but I wasn't, I understand Blue for not wanting to tell me. And having a part of Blue through these emails is better than not having Blue at all.  
So everything stayed the same. Well, almost everything. Somehow now Bumper sits with us on the cafeteria because he and Aubrey seem to hit it off after the whole Waffle House thing. Like right now, they were both laughing and talking about God knows what. And Stacie definitly didn't like that.  
-Beca? Since when does Aubrey finds Bumper so goddamn funny?  
-Yeah, no idea, it's crazy.  
-You know, this is stupid. I'm just gonna tell her that I like her. I know shes with this guy but maybe…  
-Abby likes Bumper. She told me herself.  
\- But he's Bumper.  
\- I know.   
\- Look, I don't care. I'm gonna try.  
\- Hey, wait, wait. What about Jesse?  
\- What about Jesse?  
\- Dude. Jesse's in love with you.  
\- No, he's not.  
\- Are you kidding me? I mean, come on. The way he looks at you and how he's been all jealous ever since Aubrey's been around? And he lights up every time you come into the room. Look, you and Aubrey... it's never gonna happen. But you and Jesse... I mean, you could be incredible together.  
And okay. I don't know if they'd be "incredible" but maybe "nice"? I mean, Jesse IS in love with Stacie, he said that the other night. I just don't see how the goofy movie obsessed guy would go out with the loud popular and too smart for him girl. It didn't hurt trying. So the next few days with Stacie flirting with Jesse were weird. And not really in a fun way. Jesse looked confused as why she suddenly started to sit next to him more and why she winked more at him. And in consequence "girl moments" with Aubrey became more of a thing. Especially with her wanting to talk about girls. Something I'm totally not comfortable doing. I know it's not exactly "wrong" but that feeling that you're sexualizing them like every single fuck boy when you think they're hot or check them out doesn't really go away. Like right now, before the football game. Stacie and Jesse were saving the seats and Aubrey and I were getting some iced coffee as usual.  
-Oh! Beca, that girl in the line for coffees is insanely hot. We can talk about stuff like this now, since were both lady lovers.  
-Yeah, you've said that before but I still don't know if I really quite figured out how.  
\- Seriously?  
\- Yeah. We gotta practice. All right. Beca?  
\- Yeah?  
\- Do you think that girl is lookin' fine in those hot pants?  
-She's lookin' pretty fine.  
\- Okay, that was bad, we will work on it.  
And she left to get the coffees when a big ass bear on Barden's uniform came running towards me.  
-Little birdie told me you're into bears!Dude! It's me! I'm Barden's bear.  
-Of course, you are Bumper.  
-Thank you.  
-Not a compliment.  
-Hey, um... I figured out my next move with Aubrey.  
-Great, that's good for you, dude.  
-I just wanted to run it by you real quick.  
-No, look. I've been helping you for weeks and I am sick and tired of helping you mess with my friends' lives. So why don't you just do that shit that you did at Waffle House? That went great.  
-So you're saying I should go for it? It's kind of a big gesture.  
-Go big or go home! Right?

  
I should have probably. No, DEFINITLY not said that. Because when they were about to start singing the national anthem. Bumper ran to the microphone in his full, and definitly sweaty now, bear costume and said:  
-Sorry. Hi. Hi, everyone. Uh, sorry to interrupt. But I have something to say... that's a little more important than the national anthem. Aubrey Posen… when you transferred to Barden High School, just a short three and a half months ago, you not only transferred into a new school, you transferred your way into a new heart... belonging to me. My heart. Right here. And whether it was being your partner in pong, or your Waffle House warrior, I have cherished... the minutes that we've spent together. And I know that you're this smart, talented perfect creature. And, uh, I'm just a sweaty dude in a bear costume. But like old Bogie used to say, it's a "crazy mixed-up world." So, Aubrey, without further ado... will you go out with me?  
-Bumper… I am so sorry. I don't feel that way about you.  
-You don't?  
-No. But I really like hanging out with you and I don't know, maybe we could still be friends, you know?  
Looking at Bumper's face fall was sad and it got worse when everyone started laughing and pointing at him. Not ever Mrs. Worth's attempt at diffusing the situation worked. And it got worse the next day. And the day after when everyone started to post memes and photos of Bumper on Creek Secrets. It didn't help that he didn't answer his phone. The few times I called him when I was "helping him", he would answer right away. Like an excited kid to use his phone for other than to play Candy Crush.  
-Hey, Bumper, it's Beca. Again. Um, look, I wanna make sure you're doing all right. I know it's been tough since, uh... Well, you know since when. Um, listen. Just... Just give me a call back, okay?  
And to all of this, Christmas was coming. I like Christmas. I like the food and the music. And my family's tradition of singing all together while Mom plays the piano. But what I definitely don't like about Christmas is that Blue is not gonna be here. I found out this today when I got her email.

  
_Beats I'm drinking eggnog and packing to go to my dad's cabin on Lake Rabun. I'm pretty sure there's a photo of it on the Wikipedia page for "middle of nowhere." There's barely electricity and definitely no cell service so this will be my last email for a while. It should be a real rite of passage. A dad and his gay daughter pretending they like to fish and trying to find things to talk about it. It's gonna to be an excruciating two weeks without you, Beats._   
_Love, Blue._

  
It's not like I was expecting a Christmas miracle or some stupid thing like that where both of us agree to meet or we suddenly bump into each other while gift shopping. I wasn't. But knowing that was definitely a let down. It wasn't like I was gonna tell Blue that anyways.

  
_Sounds like you're gonna need some good music. So I'm sending a list of my all time favorite Christmas songs. Of course it includes David Bowie's Little Drummer Boy," and Smokey Robinson & The Miracles' Christmas Everyday, Santa Baby by Ariana Grande, Jingle Bell Rock, All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah, Last Christmas, Rockin Around the Christmas Tree, I Saw Momma Kissing Santa Clause, Holly Jolly Christmas, Winter Wonderland and It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas. And I KNOW it does look like the typical Christmas list but trust me, once you're in the mood, you'll want them in your playlist._

  
I finished typing with a smile on my face. I should probably send Blue the Christmas mix I have but if she even knows a little bit about Beca Mitchell, she'll know about my mixes. Gotta thank Stacie for that, since she finds amazing to force me to make party playlist because she knows they're great and plays them in literally every party she goes to. Back to reality, I see Jesse's calling me and I answer without thinking only to hear his worried voice.  
-Have you seen it?  
-Hey. Seen what?  
-Creek Secrets. You need to look at your computer right away.

  
_D_ ear _fellow Barden students, Beca Mitchell has a secret female pen pal. Because she's gay. Interested parties may contact her directly to discuss arrangements for sex. Gentlemen need not apply. We should all probably be talking about this instead of Bumper Allen’s big proposal which was actually kind of sweet, and romantic, if you think about it._  
 _Sincerely, Anonymous._

  
-Have you read it?  
-I can't talk right now.  
-No. Becs, wait!  
-I gotta go.  
Oh shit. Fuck everything. That stupid bitch did it. Of course Bumper would tell everyone about me once he was the laughing stock of the year. God. I'm gonna have to tell my parents and oh my God. Blue was gonna find out who I am. I'm gonna lose her. This thoughts ran through my mind when Emily showed up at the door. She looked concerned. Great. Just what I needed.  
-Becs? I saw it. I already reported it. They're gonna take it down.  
-It's too late. No, there's people who've already seen it, so... it doesn't really matter. It's true, by the way. I'm gay.  
-Oh... So what are you gonna do?  
-I don't know.  
-You could deny it.  
-Why the hell would I deny it, Emily? I'm not ashamed of it.  
-You've just never really said anything.  
-So what? What does that have to do with anything? What the hell are you talking about?  
-Sorry.  
Emily ran off crying. I should probably fell bad. But right now the only thing that's in my mind is Blue. And how she's gonna leave because she'll get scared. And I don't blame her. I'm fucking terrified.

  
_I know you're going off the grid and you won't see this until you're back, but something's happened. You're gonna find out who I am. Someone posted our emails. Please don't freak out._   
_Please, Blue. I need you to promise me you won't disappear._

  
There was no answer from Blue. I wasn't expecting one. The anxiety of her leaving me was still killing me. I wasn't talking to any of my friends. Not for their lack of trying. I just didn't know how to talk to them. So I sent the break laying in my bed listening to every single CD I have and mixing every single combination of songs I could think about. I ignored my family too. Mostly Emily because she's the one who knew. And I knew I had to tell my parents. So I did. Christmas morning while opening the presents.  
-There you go.  
-What is it?  
-The headphones! You got them. Thank you.  
\- Do you like the black?  
\- Oh, I love it. Actually, I did want to talk  
to you guys about something.  
-What is it?  
-Uh, well... Uh... I'm gay.  
-Honey.  
-And I don't want you guys to think anything different. I'm still me.  
-Of course you are.  
\- Oh, Beca.  
\- Yeah.   
-So you're gay? Which one of your old boyfriends turned you? Was it the one with the big eyebrow...  
-Dad, can you ever shut the hell up?  
-I'm kidding, Ems.  
\- It's not funny.  
Dad left after that. It was hard to read. Was he okay with it? Or was he disappointed? I sighed. It looks like I've been doing that a lot lately. And mom being awfully quiet about all this didn't make it any better.  
-Nora, I got you this.  
\- Beca.  
-That's for you.  
-No, that's for you. That's from me.   
-Oh my god. A microphone! I love it. Thank you, Beca.  
I left after that. And closed the door with a little more force than normal. So, I wrote to Blue. It was the only thing that felt good and safe after everything. And every time I wrote her another email I was scared it would be the last.

  
_Dear Blue, happy New Year. I haven't heard from you, so I'm going to assume it's because you have no service. I came out to my entire family on Christmas. It didn't go great. And I've been avoiding my friends the whole break for all sorts of reasons. Change is exhausting. I feel like there's nowhere to hide from all the newness of everything. Except here. With you. Please write to me. As soon as you get even one bar of service._

  
And the holidays passed by and I didn't talk to anyone during it. I didn't talk much and deflected every minimum talked with my mom that might go there. My dad was awfully quiet most of the time, only saying his usual "heys" and jokes sometimes, but he never asked for help with the video. Which meant he was still mad. And because all that I left without eating breakfast the first day of school after the break only to find Jesse, Aubrey and Stacie waiting for me on her house. And conversation went like shit.  
-Hey, guys.  
-Hey, Beca, we need to talk. So Aubrey and I hung out on New Year's Eve, and... you see, now we're together.  
-That's awesome. That's great.  
-Yeah, it is.  
-But then we got to talking about why it took so long.  
-Why did you tell Stacie that I have a boyfriend in college named Jonathan? Why'd you make that up?  
\- Look, Bumper... he was the one who wrote that Creek Secrets post about me. He screenshotted my emails and he's been using them to blackmail me for months.  
-What does that have to do with us, Beca?  
-He told me that if I didn't help him get with Aubrey, he'd out me. And I... That's why I had to keep you guys apart.  
-So you made up a bunch of lies.  
-And that's why you convinced me that Jesse was into me? You know, to keep me away from Aubrey?  
-So, wait. Running lines at Waffle House and beer pong at Chloe's, all of that was just to pawn me off on Bumper? I'm not a piece of meat, Rebeca. You know how hard it was for me to start over. I trusted you.  
-Hey, come on, Bre. I'll take you to school.  
\- Guys, come on! Listen, listen. Please! Jesse. I know I messed up, okay? Jesse, but I knew you were into Stacie and I thought that maybe...  
\- Just stop it! You know what? You are insanely stupid, Beca. I was never into Stacie. I was in love with you! Look... I've been trying to tell you. That night I slept over, I was trying to tell you. You wanna know the funniest part? It's that all these years, you being so picky with guys, I thought that maybe it was because you might like me, too. And then, with those emails, I realized why you were just never gonna see me that way. I can deal with you being gay, Becs. But you set me and Stacie to get both of our hearts broken and ruin our friendship, that just makes you cruel.  
They left after that. And I didn't go pick up Jesse after this. And I only asked for one iced coffee instead of four. And I didn't go pick up Aubrey after that. I arrived alone to school. Only for everyone to unapologetically stare at me. They could, at least, have the decency to be subtle about it. They were looking at me when I entered the cafeteria. And to make this already shitty day worse. Two assholes, the two bullies from school that looks like every school has, got up in the table and pretended to be me and Cynthia Rose fucking. I got so angry. I wanted to punch something or someone, same thing at this point to be honest. I knew I was shouting, I couldn't care less. Hopefully Ms. Albright showed up when I was feeling like claiming up to the table and punch those assholes. One of them though, had the great idea of pretending nothing was wrong. Which is a "must not" when Ms. Albright is angry with you.  
-Don't "Hey, Ms. Albright" me. We're not friends. You're not gonna braid my hair or paint my nails. Get your ass off the table now! You sweaty, hormonal virgins. You know what? You're about to be suspended for so long, that by the time it's over, you're gonna be the fat, bald, unhappily married wildly mediocre nobodies you're destined to become.  
-You can't talk to us like that!  
-Actually, I can, 'cause I just did. And you know why? Because you're just those two assholes that did that shitty thing in front of the whole school. And guess what? Nobody feels sorry for those assholes, especially me. Now, walk. Mr. Worth's office now.  
And that's how I ended up outsides Mr. Worth's besides Cynthia Rose. Very annoyed. And being very loud about it.  
-Why does Mr. Worth have to talk to us? I mean, can't we just let this shit go? Hey, I'm sorry, Cynthia Rose. None of this ever happened when just you were out.  
-You know what they say, one gay's a snooze, two's a hilarious hate crime. You could've told me you were gay.  
-I guess I didn't think we had very much in common.  
\- You're telling me, Beca. It's not like your all-flannel wardrobe rocks my world.  
-I don't know. Maybe I was jealous. You've been out since you were 16. It always seemed so easy for you.  
-Easy? Are you kidding me? My mom still tells my grandparents about all the boys I'm dating when we go over to their house for dinner every Sunday. She says it's 'cause they're old and religious, and it's just easier that way. I don't know, maybe that's true. But you should hear her voice when she talks about the boys.  
The conversation was cut off when Mr. Worth came out of his office and we had to endure a very awkward conversation about us definitly not dating and a lame ass apology from those two assholes. Whose names I don't even want to know. And after that I left school. I didn't feel like getting more looks because now, not only did everyone talked about me being gay but also about what happened at lunch. And exactly what I didn't need was finding Bumper waiting for me in the parking lot.  
-Oh. Beca. Hey, can we talk?  
-I don't have anything to say to you.  
-Please, please. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know or think that people still did shit like that. And I got in a lot of shit for the thing in the game, and I wanted everyone to focus on something else, you know? I just didn't think it was gonna be a big thing.  
-I don't care if you didn't think that my coming out was gonna be a big thing, Bumper! Look, you don't get to decide that. I'm supposed to be the one that decides when and where, and how and who knows and how I get to say it. That's supposed to be my thing! And you took that away from me. So, now, can you please just get the fuck away from me?  
Once I got in the car and saw Blue's mail everything had fallen apart.

  
_I saw the posts. I know who you are. Beats. You mix right? Very clever. I'm sorry, Beca. I can't do this anymore._

  
_Please, Blue. You can't leave me alone. Everything's falling apart._

  
_I'm so sorry._

  
I could feel the tears in my face but I didn't care. I lost Blue. I stayed in the car for I don't know how long. And once I calmed down I drove home and found mom playing piano. She was playing Moonlight Sonata. It always reminds me of when I was a kid, I would sit at the top of the piano while Mom played it then I would be beside her with Emily in my arms and then I would be beside her trying to learn it and get very annoyed when I couldn't play it perfectly like mom. She looked up to see me leaning against the door frame. She looked open and ready to say something but holding back because she didn't know if it was the right thing, so I took the initiative.  
-Did you know?  
-I knew you had a secret. I mean, when you were little, you were so carefree. But these last few years, more and more... it's almost like I could feel you holding your breath. I wanted to ask you about it, but I... didn't wanna pry. Maybe I made a mistake.  
-No. No, Mom, you... You didn't make a mistake.  
-Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out, you said, "Mom, I'm still me." I need you to hear this. You are still you, Beca. And you are still the same daughter who I love to tease, and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you're the same sister who always compliments Emily on her singing and does new mixes for her. But you get to exhale now, Beca. You get to be more you than you have been... in a very long time. You deserve everything you want.  
-Thanks.  
Looks like I've been crying a lot today because when she came closer to me and put her arms around me, I broke down again. Because I was okay and my mom wasn't mad and because I had an awful day at school and because my friends were mad at me and, mostly, because I lost Blue and I'm only now realizing that I was completely in love with her. There wasn't much I could do about that. But I could fix something. So after staying a little longer with my mom I went to find Jesse, who was walking towards his house.  
-Hey, Jess.  
\- Hey.  
\- What's up?  
-What are you doing?  
-Just going for a run, you know. Daily ritual.  
\- Yeah, you've never done that. And you're wearing jeans.  
-They're my running jeans.  
-Beca, you're about to pass out.  
-Okay, fine. I'm not going for a run. Hey, Jesse. Please, listen. Look...  
-I know, okay? You didn't want anyone to know you're gay.  
-No, that wasn't just it. I fell in love with someone. That girl in the emails... I love her. And I knew that if Bumper leaked our emails, it'd scare her off.  
-I'm sorry.  
-I know what I did was messed up. You're my best friend.  
-If I'm your best friend, then why did you come out to Aubrey and not me?  
-Think it was easier. I've known Aubrey for six months, and I've known you for 14 years. And I knew that if I told you, that everything was gonna be different. I really wanted things to stay the same.  
-Okay, I think i get it. I mean, I'm never gonna go through that but I guess I understand. So, tell about this girl you love.  
\- You sure?  
\- Yeah. It'll help me kill off Hetero Beca in my mind.  
\- You don't have to kill her off.  
\- She's dead, Becs. Hacking her up with a mental machete as we speak.  
-All right. Fair enough.  
-So, I call her Blue...  
So that's what I did for probably more than I should have. I told Jesse about Blue. About her obsession with Oreos and her crazy theories about Game of Thrones. And how kind she is and how she takes to long to answer sometimes because she always thinks before saying something. And after all that, when I realized Jesse's smug smirk on his face I just punched him in the arm as goodbye and left. At least something was back to normal. And, by the way, today, seemed to be full of emotional and deep conversations because when I got home I found my dad in the garage.  
-Hey, B.  
-Yeah?  
-How long have you known?  
-Like, I really started to get it when I was around... thirteen?  
-Four years? Four years of.. eating dinner together, four years of going to movies together. Four years of walking Urie together.  
-I'm sorry.  
-I shouldn't have missed it.  
-No. Hey, no, Dad.  
-All those stupid jokes... about boyfriends and…  
-Well, I know you didn't mean them.  
-It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have missed it. But... in case the message got lost somewhere I just... I just want you to know that I love you. And I'm really proud of you. I wouldn't change anything about you. And you deserve everything and everyone you want.  
-Hey. Shit, Dad. Hey, stop crying.  
-I'm trying. I'm trying.  
And maybe it was watching mom and dad kiss and laugh each other after watching the very sappy and soft home made video of their anniversary. Or maybe it was realizing that everyone around was actually okay with me being gay. Or the stupid love song on the radio about finding and going after your true love. But I found myself in front of my computer writing the most cheesy and romantic letter I've ever written and, actually, post it on Creek Secrets.

  
_Dear students of Barden High School. As anyone with a half-decent data plan already knows, a recent post on this very website declared that I was gay. The delivery left something to be desired, but the message is true. I am... gay. For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these reasons. It was unfair that only gay people had to come out. I was sick of change. But the truth is I was just scared. At first I thought it was just a gay thing. But then I realized, no matter what, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying because what if the world doesn't like you? So, I did whatever I could to keep my secret. I hurt the best, most important people. And I want them to know that I'm sorry. I am done being scared. I'm done living in a world where I don't get to be who I am. I deserve a great love story. Disclaimer, this is about to get romantic as fuck, so anyone adverse to gratuitous feelings kindly click over to the BuzzFeed quiz or resume the porn you paused to read this. This girl that I love once wrote that she felt like he was stuck on a Ferris Wheel. On top of the world one minute, at rock bottom the next. That's how I feel now. I couldn't ask for more amazing friends, a more understanding family. But it would all be so much better if I had someone to share it with. So, Blue... I might not know your name or what you look like. But I know who you are. I know you're funny and thoughtful. That you choose your words carefully and that they're always perfect. And I know that you've been pretending for so long it's hard to believe you can stop. I get it. Like I told you at the very beginning, I'm just like you._   
_So, Blue... after the play on Friday, you know where I'll be. No pressure for you to show up, but I hope you do. Because you deserve a great love story too._   
_Love, Beca._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is for the song Love lies by Khalid from the Love, Simon soundtrack.  
> My Twitter is @lgbtimelord


	3. Strawberries and Cigarettes

Things weren't that bad after I posted that on Creek Secrets. Most people just we're back to not look at me in the hallways and if they did they sent her a little wave or smile on my direction to show support. I was once again talking to Jesse. Stacie and Aubrey were still mad at me because I tried to keep them apart. But Jesse said Stacie is mostly hurt because I never told her I was gay when she's been with girls before. But at least now she wasn't sending death glares my way but we didn't hang out after school or went to drink iced coffee or went to Waffle House, at least for now. But anyways, thanks to a bit of convincing from Jesse I'm still sitting with all of them in the cafeteria. Though I talk even less than before. Chloe Beale was talking less too. Not that I noticed, of course. It's just that her bubbly self seem a little more quiet lately, maybe thoughtful. When Jesse asked she mumbled something about her aunt having a bad time, no one really heard her because she left quickly and Aubrey went after her. So no one knew more than that. And no one really cared because the next day Chloe was back to full sunshine.  
My family were just so damn supportive sometimes. One day my dad showed up with a big rainbow flag so I could hang it in my room. And my mom and Emily thought because of my coming out they had to know every single song from lgbt artists. I rolled my eyes and said a witty remark in every situation but they still knew that I loved how much they care.  
So a few weeks passed by like that. I had practice almost every day and everyone in the play seemed very excited about if Blue would show up or not after the play. Fat Amy had even started a bet. And it was surprising how many people were actually betting. Some said that Blue didn't existed. Others that it was probably a freshman that will be too scared to show up. I never said anything about it but it annoyed me a lot. Because maybe they were right. And it made me mad. Not at Blue. Never at Blue. I was mad because if I've been more careful none of this would have happened and people wouldn't talk about me and I would just be Beca Mitchell, that girl that makes the great mixes for parties and is friends with Stacie Conrad. But in a way, it was good coming out. Not how I got to do it but how everything is mostly okay now. And how everything will eventually get much better.  
It was play day. I was nervous. And not about the stupid dance we had to do. Or how it was gonna be a _not that bad_ play but Ms. Albright still would give passive agressive comments because she was _an extra in the Lion King and ended up here_. At least the play wasn't a complete disaster because after it Stacie, Aubrey and Jesse finally got back to normal, or as close as we could right now.  
-Hey, Beca.  
-Hey.  
-Do you wanna go to the carnival with us tonight?  
It was easy and I was thankful that they didn't mention how I didn't talk to them about my sexuality or about the girl that I'll be waiting in the ferris wheel because I was nervous as fuck and not just because everyone will be looking at me, I had already heard Jessica said "Oh, my God, look. I bet she's waiting for the other gay kid. Where's Cynthia Rose? She'll love this." to Ashley, because what if Blue doesn't show up? Would I be okay if she didn't show up? I guess I will be, I have my friends back and an amazing family but right now everything I wanted was Blue.  
So I got onto the ferris wheel with Stacie's "go get her babe" and Jesse's "you got this" as a little push. And somehow I was excited and hopeful now. Because maybe Blue will show up and we'll get to be that cute couple at school and I'll wait for her in her locker and we'll sit together in the cafeteria and I'll go pick her up from her house and I'll show her all my mixes and no, Beca Mitchell is not a romantic, but I think watching all those romantic movies with Jesse and my family on friday nights kinda make me want all those things.  
Obviously. Like every time. That hope didn't last much because I was about to finish my tickets and Blue hadn't showed up. And maybe it was all the people around the ferris wheel that make her nervous. Or maybe she wasn't ready to come out yet, I get that. But I was still disappointed.   
-Okay. That's your last ride ticket, buddy.  
-Wait. Wait! Simon, it's me. I'm Blue. l love you.  
\- No, Fat Amy, you're not.  
\- No, I'm not. I just... This is so brutal. I- I'm dating Bumper now and he feels terrible. Here. I'll tell you what. I got a couple... How much is it?  
\- It's four tickets, four bucks.  
\- Perfect. Okay. There you go. Last one's on me and Bumper.  
-Last call for the Ferris wheel!  
I mean, Bumper and Fat Amy is kinda accurate. Two very annoying people, who are very selfish, getting together was perfect for everyone in the school. And when the guy called if someone else was going to come up and I heard Aubrey's "Oh, no, I can't watch. I can't watch this, babe. No. This is awful." I knew no one was going to showed up. Guess it was too much of a romantic gesture. The guy was about to pull the lever when a blur or red hair showed up.  
-Wait, wait. Can I sit there?  
-I was kind of waiting for somebody, Chlo.  
-Yeah, I know.  
Chloe Beale made sense. But in the romantic movie from the 80s kinda sense. But it did. Chloe was funny like Blue and kind like Blue and she had this weird obsession about Halloween Oreos too.  
-It's you.  
-It's me.  
-But that night at the party...  
-Yeah. I was drunk and confused. And it ended, like, a minute after you saw us.  
-And you're Jewish.  
-Yeah.  
-Which is cool.  
-And I'm gay too. It's kind of crazy, huh?  
-I didn't think you'd come.  
-Me neither. Until I was walking towards you, I didn't think I had it in me. Are you disappointed that it's me?  
-No.  
And I really wasn't. Chloe was gorgeous and smart and that girl that everyone wanted to date but that everyone knew was out of their league. So the fact that Chloe fucking Beale was sitting right next to me and she kept looking at my lips and I kept looking at her lips was kind of surreal. And I'll tell you, kissing Chloe Beale was the best thing I've ever done. And also the most embarrassing, because the moment I kissed her I could hear the cheers and claps of all the people watching but who cares because I'm kissing Chloe and Chloe is kissing me back and we're smiling and laughing. And we played in the carnival the rest of the night and I took Chloe to her house and kissed her goodnight in her front door like in one of those cheesy movies Jesse likes to watch.  
Morning were finally back to normal except for that big tiny part of Creek Secrets that is no longer anonymous and Jesse loves to brag and tell me about it, for example today:  
-Have you seen Creek Secrets? There are six new confessions, all signed. Listen to this.  _My parents didn't come and see me at the play. They hate that I wanna be an actor. I don't know if they'll ever be proud of me. Ashley Jones._

-Wow.  
-You're a trendsetter, Mitchell. Now, come on, get in the car. We need to go.  
I go and pick Stacie up and then we pick Jesse, they have an little argument about whatever is in their minds that day, we pick up Aubrey, and now Stacie puts her arms around her and kiss her, we get the iced coffees, now an extra one for Chloe, and we go pick her up, Jesse goes to the back seat and leaves Chloe the front seat beside me.  
-All right, it's too beautiful a day, so I think I'm gonna actually take us on a little adventure.   
-Yes!  
-Woo!  
And everything is good. I hope it's all good for you too.  
Love, Beca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!   
> Title of the song because of the song Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan from the Love Simon soundtrack  
> My Twitter: lgbtimelord

**Author's Note:**

> NEXT CHAPTER SOON HOPEFULLY  
> This is my first time writing Bechloe so if you like it please comment and if you didn't tell me what I could add and work on to make better.  
> The name of this chapter the song Rollercoaster by Bleachers from the Love, Simon soundtrack   
> My Twitter is @lgbtimelord if you wanna scream at me there.


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